Saturday, December 22, 2007 >> Love Fool

I don't deserve this shit... honestly i don't... call it karma... but this is really too much... i don't deserve it!

I've made a choice... i thought about it a few times before i made it... maybe i didn't think long enough... I've made the right choice... or did i?

I know i made the right choice... but i know i'll hate myself and regret every single day for making that decision. i hate myself already. I guess its for the best... to you that is... thats all that matters to me...

i need a shrink... seriously... i hate to admit it.... i'm having depression...

Love is like a butterfly... hold it too tight it'll get crushed... hold it too loose and it'll fly away...

i can't sleep... i love you... and i'll miss you... i forced myself to let you fly away. I'm sorry... wished you'll fly back... hope you'll be happy without my crap...



Wednesday, December 19, 2007 >> 24

24hrs to decide... or shld i say... less than 24... a part of me says no... but a part says just go for it... go and kick some ass... but is it worth the effort?

its sad to know your feeling lousy... and its almost ur day.... i wanna make you happy... but i cant even tell whats happiness anymore. it pains me even more to see ya in this state.

i'm a mess... i'm a wreck... i have to decide... n change my simple plan... if i decide to...

i have a dream... and a hope.... and i dont wanna stop believing... but there comes a time where what you want isnt gonna matter... wats the point...

call me nemo... cause im no one.



Tuesday, December 18, 2007 >>

today.. i cleaned my room... ok... at least my table only... oh well... gt nothimg betta to do... haha... oh well gonna go get drunk again... update later...



Monday, December 17, 2007 >> drunk again.

I'm drunk agian... 3 nights in a row... haha... chelsea lost to arsenal... sad.... but thats how it is... everything is fucked and screwed up.... oh welll....



Sunday, December 16, 2007 >> drink drank drunk

2 nights... 2 nights drunk... i hate myself... hate it... scrubs rocks... season 6 alr... hahaha... i just love it when at the end of the episode it says to be continued... caused i feel its very human... caused its a not a happy ending... i just feel that i could relate to every single character in the show... im the perfect inperfect person on erath and i just wish to be fucking dead... looks like tmr i'll get drunk again... haha



Saturday, December 15, 2007 >> Lets Get Fucked Up and Die!

its over... i guess... sometimes i wish life was like Scrubs... you make a mistake... you do something about it... and u learn your lesson and ends in a happy ending... life has no happy endings i guess... even when you die... people don't celebrate your death... there's no such thing as a happy ending! i guess tmr is another day to realise i woken up in a fucked up world.

so lets all sing my favourite anthem... sang by motion city soundtrack.... L.G. FUAD!!!!

Let's get fucked up and die.
I am speaking figuratively of course.
Like the last time that I committed suicide.
"Social suicide."

Yeah, so I'm already dead,
On the inside but I can still pretend.
With my memories and photographs I have learned to love the lie.

I want to know what its like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.
I want to know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense,yeah.
Let me in, let me into the club 'cause I want to belong,
And I need to get strong.
And if memory serves I'm addicted to words.
And they're useless...in this department.

Let's get fucked up and die.
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie.
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode.
I'm about to explode.

I'm a mess I'm a wreck.
I am perfect and I have learned to accept,
All my problems and shortcomings 'cause I'm so visceral, yet deeply inept.

I want to thank you for being a part of my.
"Forget me nots and marigolds and other things that don't get old."
Is it legal to do this?
I surely don't know.
It's the only way I have learned to express myself,
Through other peoples descriptions of life.
I'm afraid, I'm alone and entirely useless...in this department.

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feelings we'll try not to smile.
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights that still shock and surprise.

I believe that I can overcome this and beat everything in the end.
But I choose to abuse for the time being.
Maybe I'll win. But for now I've decided to die.

Sister soldier you've been such a positive influence on my mental frame.
If I could ever repay you I would but I'm hard up for cash and my memory lacks
Initiative. Goddamn the liquor store's closed we were so close to scoring.
It hurts, it destroys 'til it kills. I am tired and hungry and totally useless...
In this department.



Friday, December 14, 2007 >> Fate?

The odds are against me... should i go ahead as i planned or should i just not do anything? i pretty much watch Scrubs every single day... i'm at season 5 now.. haha.. i really got no life man... oh well... was hanging out with paul last night to discuss some issues... was such a big help... thanks alot man...


can fate be changed? the meaning of fate is that it is inevitably predetermined. i believe fate can be changed. its the choices in life you make that leads you in your path. i would picture a straight road and at everytime you need to decide something about life it would be a two road split. 1 leads you to life fulfillment the other regret.

sometimes i wonder why am i feeling so crappy.. feeling so miserable... feeling so fucked up... i try to change my fate... but my fate is not in my hands to change... i've done all i can... i have nothing else but to wait and see...

this really sucks big time.



Tuesday, December 11, 2007 >> screw up

Just when everything was going to go well... something have to always pop up and screw everything up... i'm sucha screw up.

i'm feeling so damn sick... i'm sick.



Monday, December 10, 2007 >> 11 ways.

Ouch... that kinda hurt... alot....

11 ways on how to react in this situation:

1. shout vulgarities out loud.
2. shoot myself with a gun.
3. kill someone.
4. punch the wall.
5.kick the wall.
6. cry.
7. jump out of the window.
8. pretend nothing really happened.
9. calm down and think logically.
10. fuck it and just keep it in the heart.
11. all of the above.

Guess which 1 i chose.



Saturday, December 08, 2007 >> a part or apart?

i feel relieved... i had no regrets in whatever i had said... i just feel that if i died... at least you know what's happening in my head...

But... where do i fit in your life? am i going to be part of your life? or are we gonna just drift apart after its all been said and done?

I'm afraid...



Friday, December 07, 2007 >> fucked

What if paul was right? the possibility of a third person's point of view is 99% accurate.... i feel so fucking down.... fucked up...



Thursday, December 06, 2007 >> UnMasked

Everyone puts up a false front to others... its true... everyone. its like a mask... covering up whats beneath... be it good or bad... i guess its cause we're afraid to show people what we truely are. partly due to being insecure but the main thing is that we do not want to show who and what we truely are.

I wear a mask everyday and i'm not afraid to admit it! i'm broken inside... and my mask helps me to get by the days.

I'm badly broken inside... and hope to be repaired someday.



Wednesday, December 05, 2007 >> Missing Something Inside.

I feel soulless.... like i'm striped of me... life is so stagnant... i just do whatever i have to do and pass the day.... sometimes i have nothing to do... and just stare at my computer screen... i guess in the next few weeks... i'll be staring at a computer screen... cursing and swearing... oh well... i guess it occupies my time... and i don't really have to think much about my life...

i feel empty... like i'm missing something inside... i kept thinking of the past... you were right... i do not know how to take care of myself...

I Lost My Fire.



Monday, December 03, 2007 >> qns.

am i a part of your life? does my existence affect your life? do you know that i exist? i guess what kang said is true... i'm thinking so much of her... does she even think of me?



Saturday, December 01, 2007 >> I Passed Away.

if a 10 word sentence where to describe how i feel right now.... 672354 of the words would be a vulgarity. as of this day, 1st december 2007, consider me as good as dead.

My Profile

Name: Dar
Status: Single
Birthday: 22nd June
Horoscope: Cancer

Loves

[]Rock Music
[]Converse Shoes
[]Doing Nonsense
[]Talking Nonsense
[]Drinking
[]Eating
[]smoking
[]Colour: Black

Hates

[]Chinese Music
[]Irritating People
[]Your Mother
[]The Lady In Red Standing Behind You
[]People That Think They Look Damn Cool But In Fact They Look Like My Toilet Seat
[]The World